How Ms. Wormwood Stole Christmas
by THE Elvenking
Summary: Ok, I took this down, edited it, and reposted it. It's a lot more original now, so check it out again!


How Ms. Wormwood Stole Christmas  
  
I don't own C/H, and full credit for the original manuscript goes to Dr. Suess. I am not he.  
  
Every kid down in Kidville like Christmas  
  
But Ms. Wormwood, who lived just north of Kidville, did not.  
  
The teacher hated Christmas! The whole give-and-getting'  
  
Now don't ask why, I know only the setting.  
  
It could be her medicine just wasn't right.  
  
It could be, perhaps, that her face was a fright.  
  
But I think that the most likely cause of them all  
  
May have been that her friends did not exist at all.  
  
But, Whatever the reason, Her heart or her face,  
  
She stood in her cave, organizing the place  
  
Moving the couch above to hide the painted clown  
  
And the warm lighted windows below in their town.  
  
For she knew every kid down in Kidville below  
  
Was busy now, running to and fro!  
  
"And they're running amuck!" she snarled without cheer,  
  
"Tomorrow is Christmas! It's practically here!"  
  
Then she growled, with her gray hair falling from her head,  
  
"Why don't they shoot me? I'd rather be dead!"  
  
For, Tomorrow, she knew, to all of their joys,  
  
Would wake bright and early. They'd rush for their toys!  
  
And then! Oh, the noise! Oh, the Noise! Noise! Noise! Noise!  
  
That's one thing she hated! The NOISE! NOISE! NOISE! NOISE!  
  
Then the kids, scared and bold, would sit down to a feast. And they'd stuff their faces!  
  
And they'd feast! And they'd feast! And they'd not stop in the least!  
  
They would feast on chocolate cake and icing on top  
  
And then they'd clean up the halls with their mop!  
  
Then they'd do something she liked least of all!  
  
Every kid down in Kidville, the tall and the small,  
  
Would stand close together, with Christmas bells clanging,  
  
They'd grab pots and pans, and begin the banging!  
  
They'd sing! And they'd sing! And they'd BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!  
  
And the more Ms. Wormwood thought of this Kid-Christmas-Sing,  
  
The more Ms. Wormwood thought, "I must stop this whole thing!"  
  
"Why, for fifty-three years I've put up with it now!"  
  
"I MUST stop this Christmas from coming! But HOW?"  
  
Then she got an idea! An awful idea!  
  
MS. WORMWOOD GOT A WONDERFUL, AWFUL IDEA!  
  
"I know just what to do!" the teacher laughed in her throat.  
  
And she made a quick Santy Claus hat and a coat.  
  
And she chuckled, and clucked, "What a great Grinchy trick!"  
  
"With this jacket and this hat, I look just like Saint Nick!"  
  
"All I need is a reindeer..." The hag looked around.  
  
But, since reindeer are scarce, there was none to be found.  
  
The teacher swore under her breath, and planned  
  
"If I can't find a reindeer, I'll make one by hand!"  
  
So he called her student, Moe. Then she took some red thread  
  
And she tied a big horn on the top of his head.  
  
THEN she loaded some bags and some bags of Miracle Grow  
  
On a ramshackle sleigh And she hitched up old Moe.  
  
Then Ms. Wormwood said, "Giddap!" And the sleigh started down  
  
Toward the homes where the kids lay a-snooze in their town.  
  
All their windows were dark. Quiet snow filled the air.  
  
All the kids were all dreaming sweet dreams without care  
  
When she came to the first little house on the square.  
  
"This is stop number one," the old Wormy Claus hissed  
  
And she climbed to the roof, empty bags in her fist.  
  
Then she slid down the chimney. Rather a screech.  
  
But, if Santa could do it, then so could the teach.  
  
She got stuck only once, for a moment or two.  
  
Then she stuck her head out of the fireplace flue  
  
Where the little kid stockings all hung in a row.  
  
"These socks," she exclaimed, "are the first things to go!"  
  
Then she slithered and slunk, with a smile most unpleasant,  
  
Around the whole room, and she took every present!  
  
Pop guns! And bicycles! Roller skates! Drums!  
  
Checkerboards! Tricycles! Popcorn! And plums!  
  
And she stuffed them in bags. Then the Grinch, very nimbly,  
  
Stuffed all the bags, one by one, up the chimbly!  
  
Then she slunk to the icebox. She took the kids' feast!  
  
She took the Kid-pudding! She took the roast beast!  
  
She cleaned out that icebox as quick as a flash.  
  
Why, that old hag even took their last can of corn beef hash!  
  
Then she stuffed all the food up the chimney with glee.  
  
"And NOW!" grinned the lady, "I will stuff up the tree!"  
  
And Ms. Wormwood grabbed the tree, and he started to shove  
  
When she heard a large sound like a storm up above.  
  
She turned around fast, and he saw a small kid!  
  
Little Susie the kid, who was no taller than you.  
  
The hag had been caught by her brightest pupil  
  
Who'd got out of bed for a walk in the null.  
  
She stared at the woman and said, "Ms. Wormwood, why,  
  
"Why are you taking our Christmas tree? WHY?"  
  
But, you know, that old teacher was so smart and so slick  
  
She thought up a lie, and she thought it up quick!  
  
"Why, my sweet little tot," the fake Santy Claus lied,  
  
"I hold this, your project, as my career's pride."  
  
"So I'm taking it to the school, I must say."  
  
"I'll put it up there. Then I'll give you an A."  
  
And her fib fooled the child. Then she patted her head  
  
And she got her a drink and she sent her to bed.  
  
And when Susie Derkins went to bed with her cup,  
  
SHE went to the chimney and stuffed the tree up!  
  
Then the last thing she took was the log for their fire!  
  
Then she went up the chimney, herself, the old fat liar.  
  
On their walls she left nothing but hooks and some wire.  
  
And the one speck of food that she left in the house  
  
Was a crumb that was even too small for a mouse.  
  
Then she did the same thing to the other kids' houses  
  
Leaving crumbs much too small For the other Kids' mouses!  
  
It was quarter past dawn... All the Kiddies, still a-bed,  
  
All the kids, still a-snooze When she packed up his sled,  
  
Packed it up with their presents! The ribbons! The wrappings!  
  
The tags! And the tinsel! The trimmings! The trappings!  
  
Three thousand feet up! Up the side of Mt. Crumpit,  
  
She rode with his load to the tiptop to dump it!  
  
"Pooh-Pooh to the Kids!" he was grinch-ish-ly humming.  
  
"They're finding out now that no Christmas is coming!"  
  
"They're just waking up! I know just what they'll do!"  
  
"Their mouths will hang open a minute or two  
  
Then the Whos down in Who-ville will all cry Boo-Hoo!"  
  
"That's a noise," grinned the hag, "That I simply MUST hear!"  
  
So she paused. And the Geezer put her hand to her ear.  
  
And she did hear a sound rising over the snow.  
  
It started in low. Then it started to grow...  
  
The sound wasn't small, it was loud!  
  
It couldn't be so! But it was! It was loud and proud!  
  
She stared down at Kidville! The Woman popped her eyes!  
  
Then she shook! What she saw was a shocking surprise!  
  
Every kid down in Kidville, the tall and the small,  
  
Was singing! Without any presents at all!  
  
She HADN'T stopped Christmas from coming! IT CAME!  
  
Somehow or other, it came just the same!  
  
And the teacher, with her fungus-feet ice-cold in the snow,  
  
Stood puzzling and puzzling: "How could it be so?"  
  
"It came with out ribbons! It came without tags!"  
  
"It came without packages, boxes or bags!"  
  
And she puzzled three hours, till her puzzler was sore.  
  
Then the woman thought of something she hadn't before!  
  
"Maybe Christmas," she thought, "doesn't come from a store."  
  
"Maybe Christmas...perhaps...means a little bit more!"  
  
And what happened then...? Well...in Kidville they say  
  
That the Grinch's mixed up medicine seperated that day!  
  
And the minute her dress didn't feel quite so tight,  
  
She whizzed with her load through the bright morning light  
  
And she brought back the toys! And the food for the feast!  
  
And she ...SHE HERSELF...! The old teacher, carved the roast beast! 


End file.
